All of my dreams came true today but I am unable to share my excitement, amazement, fears, and confusion. I'll skip the ups and downs, ins and outs of why I am as shocked as I am elated. If my calculations are correct, I am 9 weeks pregnant with my first child. The timing of this baby couldn't be more perfect even if I was tracking ovulation and body temperature. I am at a place in my career (a very male dominated environment) where a pregnancy will not be a hindrance. I am sure to have excellent prenatal care, an abundance of time to bond and care for my newborn, and a pretty good guarantee that I will not be asked to travel to a place where the baby will not be welcome. But still, no matter how ready I am to burst at the seams, I must keep this to myself. You see, my brother is getting married in three days. He and his long time fiancée are also expecting their first child in January and this is the weekend they have gathered all of our family and friends together to witness their matrimony. It is their time, they belong in the spotlight alone. I can't risk taking that away from them.
So I celebrated in my own way. I marked the occasion with something that may seem extravagant to those who know me. I have treated myself to a practical expense, knowing the journey I am about to undertake but it may seem odd to those who do not have all of the facts. I bought a new car, an Equinox to be exact. I've been toying with the idea of replacing my 11 year old truck, that is in dire need of a new transmission, for months now. So on my way back to the office, I decided to stop into a dealer for a minute just to take a peak. A few hours and a test drive later, I was on my way home in my new SUV. Work? Who can go back to work at a time like this? It's much more reasonable and rational to sign my name on the dotted line ensuring that my child will have a safe a reliable form of transportation home after the birth, to doctors appointments, play dates, school, swimming lessons, and all of the other amazing activities in my child's life. So what if my family thinks I've lost it? What do they know? And I'm sure they will all understand when the timing is right for me to share the most amazing and wonderful discovery of my life so far.
My first OB appointment of many in the coming months and I've shared it with no one. I think the reality is only just starting to hit me and I've heard the heartbeat and seen the ultrasound. I can hardly contain myself but I want this to be perfect. Dad (who does not yet know he is a dad) has been away for a couple of weeks and I really don't want to do this over the phone. I need to see his reaction in person. I couldn't possibly tell my family before telling the father. How cruel would that be, it's a once in a life time event, and I would have to tell him that he was the last to know. I can't do that. Two more days and he'll be home so now I just need to find the perfect way to let him know. Do I just walk up to him in the airport terminal with a big, "Guess what!!" Should I wait until we get home, sit him on the couch, and calmly break the news? Does Hallmark make a card for such an occasion? Surprise!! You're going to be a father!! Or how about: Do you remember that special night we had together? Well... Congratulations!! 
